When Grief Arrives
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙛 𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨. 𝘼𝙣 𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙡 𝙝𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙜𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙛 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣 𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 /𝙤𝙧 𝙗𝙡𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙄𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙨 & 𝙥𝙚𝙤𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙪𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙚𝙨.
The idea for this book came from my personal experiences with the death of loved ones. I wanted to make space for a deeper inquiry into how queer, trans and/or black, Indigenous, people of colour communities are responding to death, navigating grieving and persisting amidst pain and hardship.
Philippe - my pa - died in May of 2020. He was a brown man who experienced a lot of suffering and injustices in his life and he died young. Whilst I do not want to reduce the aliveness of my pa’s life or diminish his life into his dying, I also do not want to soften that he died a premature black and working class death. My pa died during the covid-19 lockdowns and due to restrictions his last days were with immediate family and friends and his funeral had attendance limits. We went into another lockdown in July of 2020 and it was a time of profound solitude in grieving.
My close friend Alex died in March of 2023. A group of us found out he had overdosed when we were down the coast together on Gadubanud Country. Close friends and I organised for loved ones, comrades and family to be together the Friday of that week. We shared photos, memories, ate together, cried, made space for rage - which there was a lot of, sadness, love, connection and care. Contrasted to what happened when my pa died, it was a remarkably different and healing experience for me.
When grief arrives comprises eleven narratives of tragic deaths ranging from overdose and suicide to murder, rare conditions, chronic illness and working class death. These deaths are often attributed to manifestations of capitalism, and its related institutions of violence including white supremacy, the prison-industrial complex, cisheteropatriarchy and colonialism. Tragic deaths are different to death that is part of life through aging. Death as part of living can be meaningful and dignified, whereas tragic deaths are difficult to respond to. Reflecting on these tragic deaths prompts us to question which lives society deems worthy of grieving and what defines a grievable life. Here, on this continent, Aboriginal deaths are hidden, excluded from public grieving as Indigenous people are dehumanised. Similarly, in occupied Palestine, settler violence dictates who matters and who is disposable.
Shaped by rich traditions and histories which situate communities as sites of justice and healing, the stories inside stand in stark contrast to the prevailing neoliberal, individualised and normative responses to grief. They are examples of people collaboratively building and sharing resources and envisioning creative approaches to the complexities of grieving.
When grief arrives also connects with movement histories that actively contribute to ongoing liberation struggles. The project utilises oral histories as a means to narrate stories, challenge the idea of expert and create an archive based in community knowledges. My hope for these stories is that friends, family, and communities can offer those experiencing grief with an alternative perspective of themselves and their loved ones who have died, rather than just the experiences of the hardships and struggles they are facing.
When grief arrives took place on the stolen lands of the Wurundjeri & Boon Wurrung/Bunurong peoples of the Kulin Nation. Sovereignty was never ceded and this is and always will be Aboriginal land.
The book is self-published under Struggle and Resist Press.
Any profits will be donated to my friends gender affirming feminisation surgery.
Apologies for the postage costs! Pick up available from Sunshine North please write PICKUP in Discount Code for free shipping and email me to work this out.
If you are unable to pay the price of the book, email [email protected] and we can work out a sliding scale or free.
If your distro would like multiple copies let me know.
xx Anne-lise
